About

Origins

In 2021, I was at a low. Like many, COVID-19 was taking its tolls on my mental health. I remember distinctly one day finishing a call and going out to my backyard to pray. Underneath the shady tree branches, I knelt to pray in the grass, overcome with emotion and strife. I felt broken in every way.

I can’t remember what I said. I can remember what appeared in my minds eye, just as a mental picture. I saw a grassy field. And I saw a stairway. This stairway descended beneath the field. I then imagined walking down it, and coming out of the stairway, I saw a stone wall with a wooden gate. Behind it was a grove of trees.

“I have descended below all, to raise them all up” was the impression I got. I’ve never felt closer to my Savior.

Today is Jan 20th, 2026. Last week I was impressed to start this blog. I thought about the design a bit. I thought about that experience. I started Googling/AI-searching/etc. the ideas of this personally sacred moment. Unbeknownst to me, I learned that in the Garden of Gethsemane, there were grottos, even a Grotto of Gethsemane. Perhaps the Savior was in the grotto that night. Perhaps not.

Inside Gethsemane’s Grotto was an olive press - a giant stone. One used be rolled back and forth repeatedly to crush the olives.

Perhaps we were the olives that Night and he was the Presser. The thousands of olives struggling under the weight of the World’s presses. He was refining us and purifying us with his fuller’s soap. To transform us into something more through the enabling power of His atonement. Perhaps we were the stone, the ones who caused Him to spill His blood. After all, olive oil is the symbolic oil of the Melchizedek Priesthood and the vessel for the cleansing power of the Holy Ghost. Perhaps the spilling of oil can reprsent the spilling and purifying power of His atoning Blood - the sanctifying power of His Atonement.

Regardless, I know I was strengthened that day in 2021. I know I’m strengthened every day by my Savior. I am a son of God, a disciple of Jesus Christ, and a Son of the Everlasting Covenant. I am on a journey - a journey to His Garden where He atoned me with Heaven. Where He ministerd to me, purified me, and sanctified me. Where he made me whole. Where He advocated for me. I fall away from this garden often, even today. But I return to it, and I am strengthened by it.

This blog is one aspect of my journey to His Garden.

Why Anonymous?

I am not anonymous. I am a son of God. But through this blog you won’t know my name.

“Abinadi came among them in disguise” (Mosiah 12:1)[https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/12?lang=eng&id=p1#p1]

Perhaps Abinadi going forth in disguise is a good analogy for my journey. It lets me share my faith without fear of persecution. It also lets me share my doubts without worry of my doubts being misinterpreted. I hope to explore real thoughts, real questions. I’d share them with you if you were sitting in front of me - I’m rather an open book. My friends know who this is by. But my employer, the global internet, etc. don’t need to know.

Disclaimers

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, though this blog represents my own personal journey and is not affiliated with the Church in any way.